(Written by jsnell)

12:30 PM: Hello, ABC. You’re not going to show that last play from last week, are you? You wouldn’t do that, would you?

Oh. You would. Well, thanks a bunch.

12:32 PM: Sounds like Longshore’s going to start.

12:35 PM: I would write a paragraph describing just how lousy the broadcast looks because ABC cheaped out and didn’t bother buying enough equipment to air these midday Pac-10 games in HD. But I won’t, because Ken wants this to be a family-friendly site and the only word I can use to describe how my picture looks is not particularly friendly.

12:39 PM: Dan Fouts is giving Troy Taylor advice on how to broadcast. I’m laughing because I remember Fouts when he was the anchor on KPIX. Not good.

12:39 PM: Three and out and Longshore’s not looking so hot with the bad ankle. He was pressured and couldn’t really move or plant or throw. Is Kevin Riley warming up in the Enterprise engine room?

12:42 PM: Three and out for UCLA. If you’re not watching for some reason, here’s the link to ESPN Gamecast.

12:46 PM: Forsett just limped off and was replaced by Montgomery. Can we get some wheelchairs out there, please?

12:49 PM: Forsett back in after two consecutive plays for Jahvid Best out of the backfield. Best sure looks good — he fights for yardage, which your usual track-to-football guy doesn’t do.

12:52 PM: Longshore hits Jackson for a gain of 12. Jackson’s defender fell down, but Longshore threw the ball low, forcing Jackson to basically sit down when catching it. Otherwise that was a huge gain for Jackson.

12:54 PM: Touchdown Bears! 21 yards, Longshore to Stevens over the middle, Stevens catching it just in front of the goal line. Stephens lined up right, broke inside, had nobody covering him, and walked in. The classic TE pass play. Cal 7, UCLA 0.

1:00 PM: Cowan tackled by Alu’alu’s butt. Seriously.

1:03 PM: UCLA putting a pretty nice drive together here.

1:09 PM: 3rd and 6 from the 13 yard line for UCLA. Follett catches Cowan from behind for a slight loss. Kicking time for UCLA. End of First Quarter. Cal 7, UCLA 0.

1:13 PM: UCLA Field Goal good. Cal 7, UCLA 3.

1:21 PM: Great third-down completion for 16 yeards to Jackson near midfield.

1:23 PM: Cal is really struggling to get the running game going. Two straight runs to Forsett for minimal gain. Good pressure on Longshore forces a punt.

1:24 PM: A rare lousy punt for Andrew Larson. 18 yards. Yuck.

1:27 PM: Kahlil Bell with a gigantic run of 64 yards, right up the middle and then gone. Stopped by DeCoud at the 2.

1:28 PM: Touchdown UCLA. UCLA 10, Cal 7.

1:29 PM: Is this the “break and don’t bend” defense I’m seeing here? Wow.

1:32 PM: Apparently Karl Dorrell doesn’t understand the concept of forward progress. He’s on the field asking for a ball to be spotted way back because the Cal receiver allowed UCLA defenders to push him back. Read the rulebook, Karl.

1:35 PM: Longshore to Jackson, touchdown! Beautiful pass, and D-Jax was wide open. Play action, fake end around motion, and Jackson took it in. Cal 14, UCLA 10.

1:40 PM: Huge completion for Cowan, exposing some pretty lame secondary coverage by Cal. The Cal secondary is playing like they’re hopelessly overmatched, including by my count three Pass Interferences so far.

1:45 PM: UCLA Field Goal good from 28. Cal 14, UCLA 13.

1:50 PM: Forsett is down again. Running off now, but he’s banged up.

1:52 PM: Good third-down pass to Jackson for a good gain and a first down. Jackson gets shoved on his way out of bounds and complains, but (unlike the call against Cal last week) the ref wisely decided to let it go. Next play, a long pass to Jackson that was so obviously a touchdown that the UCLA defender had to face-guard and PI in order to prevent the TD.

1:55 PM: Terrible pitch from Longshore, fumbled by Best, kicked around, recovered by UCLA. Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. Cal was in the Red Zone, and now it’s UCLA ball. So, Cal, do you want to play in the Emerald Bowl? You’re playing like it.

2:01 PM: Worrell Williams rips the ball out of the hands of a UCLA receiver. Somehow, inexplicably, recovered by Cal.

2:02 PM: Incomplete pass, lame screen pass, and it’s third down just like that. Toss in a false start to boot, and it’s third and long.

2:03 PM: Pass complete for a first down with :03 left. Cal had two time outs left but didn’t take them for fear of, what, giving the ball back to UCLA? As a result, there’s no time left to run more than a single play. Oh well. Kay has to come in instead. 44 yard attempt no good. Halftime. Cal 14, UCLA 13.

2:05 PM: Seriously, UCLA was beaten senseless by Utah and beaten by Notre Dame. If Cal can’t beat UCLA… well, if they can’t beat UCLA they’re not nearly as good as people thought they were.

2:27 PM: And we’re back.

2:30 PM: Backup QB, backup RB… and UCLA keeps moving the ball. They’re almost at the 50.

2:33 PM: Did they listen to the announcers when they suggested that there would be a fake end-around pass later in the game? Obviously the announcers saw them practicing it. It worked. Touchdown UCLA. UCLA 20, Cal 14.

2:37 PM: If this is how Cal plays in the Rose Bowl maybe we don’t ever want to win the Pac-10 championship.

2:39 PM: Three and out for Cal’s offense. Punt almost blocked. But the UCLA player goes for Larson and not the ball, giving Cal five yards and a re-kick. Net result is a 20-yard difference in field position for UCLA. A lot more if you figure he should’ve blocked it.

2:47 PM: UCLA fumble recovered by Alu’alu, Cal ball! Every time I start writing about how disgusted I am with Cal today, something positive happens. I need to do that more often.

2:50 PM: Another failed trick play. DeSean Jackson runs around in the backfield. Hey, DeSean, you’re the QB. Throw it away! Don’t take a loss.

2:53 PM: And now a pitch to Best, can’t get around anyone and gets a tiny gain. The running game is doing nothing and it’s another third and long for Longshore. Third down, UCLA defender pulls it away from Hawkins for the interception.

2:54 PM: I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but because of a prior work-related travel commitment, I’m going to miss the Washington State and USC games, and most likely the Washington road game unless they play it at 7 p.m. It pains me to be far, far away (and without even reliable Internet) during Cal games, but the way they’re playing right now maybe it’s a blessing. If Cal keeps playing as they’re playing right now, it’s time to write off this season. Boo.

3:00 PM: Three and out for UCLA. Good play by the defense there.

3:04 PM: Blatant roughing the passer on UCLA, and called by the officials. Gives Cal the ball at midfield with a first down.

3:05 PM: Draw to Forsett for nothing. The Cal running game today has simply not been there. Third and long yet again.

3:06 PM: Another third-and-long pass completion! This one to Jackson. Can’t say how impressed I am with Longshore’s third-down throws today.

3:07 PM: Nice catch by Cunningham, playing for Jordan today. His second catch of the season. First down at the 20. Screen pass to Forsett, and it works! Forsett to the 5. One of the only plays all day that has worked with the ball going short. So much of Cal’s progress today has been based on 10- or 15-yard passes, often on third down. The run simply has not worked so far.

3:10 PM: Second and Goal, UCLA stacks up in the center and they hand off to Forsett up the middle. Didn’t we learn our lesson last week, Bears?

3:11 PM: Longshore to Jackson in the end zone for an apparent touchdown. UCLA defender bumped into him and then stripped him in the end zone after the TD was clearly made. Official call: defensive PI, stole the dead ball out of Jackson’s hands… which is what it was. Touchdown Bears! Cal 21, UCLA 20.

3:13 PM: Now that’s what you have to do on a third and goal when you’ve got Cal’s receivers and a defense that’s playing the run up the middle.

3:14 PM: Slater runs the kickoff back across the 50 and is tackled by Larson. And did Dan Fouts just refer to the conference as the Pac-8? Wow, Foutsie, welcome to the ’70s.

3:16 PM: Offensive PI on UCLA. Crazy game, crazy officiating.

3:18 PM: On 3rd and 1, Cowan slides a yard short of the first down rather than going head-first and getting the first down. I assume he just didn’t know where he was on the field (since alas, in the real world there is no electronic first-down stripe on the field), but that was the wrong time to do that. Timeout, UCLA, as they consider going for it on 4th down.

3:19 PM: Hey, we’ve been lumped in with talk radio! Talking about Dorrell being criticized “on talk radio and on the blogs.”

3:20 PM: Dorrell tries to draw off Cal, takes the penalty and punts. Dan Fouts is critical of Karl, and really, can you blame him? Boos from the fans. What can you say? Karl Dorrell is a terrible, terrible coach. I weep for the day when he is inevitably fired, because UCLA may replace him with someone competent who will make UCLA into a force to be reckoned with year in and year out, a real contender for the Pac-10 title. Unlike the inconsistent, underachieving team that they’ve had the past few years.

3:22 PM: End of the third quarter. Cal 21, UCLA 20.

3:25 PM: Forsett for a 10-plus yard run. That was the best run of the day.

3:25 PM: For those of you wondering at home, no, my son has not peed on me at all today. That was apparently a one-time Cal game occurrence. My couch and I are both grateful.

3:27 PM: 2nd and 18, and… Forsett runs up the middle? Eh?

3:31 PM: Another run by Forsett, for a gain of 8. Yeah, on 2nd and 18? I don’t like that call at all. Come on. How much success has Cal had on third down passing today?

3:34 PM: On third and 7, Cal doesn’t get much pressure on Cowan but he throws it high and it’s almost picked off on the deflection. UCLA punts, ball down at the 22. Another flag, this one on Cal for holding on the punt. Sigh.

3:40 PM: Another three and out, and a bad Larson punt and it’s first down UCLA at the 50. I’m not liking this.

3:45 PM: 3rd and 3 for UCLA. Huge play, and UCLA makes the conversion. It was easy to miss — this huge play in the game was derailed by a conversation on ABC about the medical condition underlying “turf toe.” Wow, great timing, guys. What this one-point game in the 4th quarter needs is filler! Anyway, a big gain on first down and UCLA has the ball at the 20. Cal is almost certainly going to have to come from behind with less than five minutes to go. Ugh.

3:49 PM: Third down and UCLA passes, to the ten. But really, that’s a terrible call. You’ve got the field goal for the lead. Why are you passing on third down? You risk ending the game on a pick. Bad call, Karl. In any event, the 27-yard field goal is good. UCLA 23, Cal 21. Cal has three timeouts and 3:08 to answer.

3:52 PM: Jahvid Best, huge kick return! Rambling left, rambling right, bringing it back 54 yards. He was hit out of bounds, by the way, but unlike last week (in a very similar situation), no call this time.

3:53 PM: Forsett rushes for four yards on first down. Second down, Forsett runs for basically no gain. Third down.

3:54 PM: Cut to Jordan Kay on the sideline. No, no, no… do not put this on the foot of Jordan Kay.

3:56 PM: Longshore throws for the first down to Jackson and UCLA steps in front and runs it back all the way. That’s two consecutive games where Cal had the game to win with a field goal and gave it away. UCLA 30, Cal 21. That’s the end of this season, as far as I’m concerned. Nowhere to go but down from here. Keep reaching for that Sun Bowl!

4:00 PM: If you lose to a bad team, you are a bad team. Two conference losses in a row, and two games squandered. Lots of good excuses last week. This week? None. Cal can’t even beat this terrible UCLA team, a team coached by a moron.

4:02 PM: Turns out I’ve picked the right year to flee the country during multiple Cal games after all.

4:04 PM: Cal will fall to 5-2. Hey, is Steve Mariucci coaching? It’s got that feeling. Riding high at 5-0, and then… face plant.

4:07 PM: Game over. UCLA 30, Cal 21. Who needs to play in the Rose Bowl in 2008? Maybe the 50th attempt will be the charm.